Some ask...how did i enjoy my bday

Basically... its no more that kinda times when you look forward to it
but more to reflect and evolute. Throw the bad ones and up comes the new ones...
reflected much and I have to say that im grateful for wat God has bestowed upon me.
A good life, a good job and someone to fill me up with love.

One wish tat I have wanted since I found out the naked truth still bugs me till this day.
I know frens have said that I am better off without it.
But I dunno but it seems empty suddenly asking whereabt and my originality....
I cant stop crying abt it, thinkin why it has to be this way
Lookin at it in a brighter light, still makes me cry, what more... if in a darker view...

I can deny it, cant run away form it. Its there.could it be what Paul told me once... Grey aura that he saw in me....
ask abt my past and my parents abt it.... could it be true...?
I see my life as it is on hold... in a different spectra,
could it be some kinda kadielscope that it juz makes you sick and giddy from it...?
or it is out there in the open only that you are blinded by different views and talks of it...
it could be anything... but its how i see it...

i cant stop reflecting liek that.. doesnt matter how deep I have meditated, it seems pale.
sigh, its called the walks of life.. if you have not stepped into it, you will eventually....
its where you see things in a different light and overcome problems and see hwo you can fit into your life with the solutions.

a bro at work mentioned this to me before and over again: God will not give us problems if he thinks we cant handle it.

i always remember that... so with this, in maturity, in name of dignity and the trails and tribulations of life...
i accept.... i learn.

Baby, Im in love with you .... Thank you for loving me the same since...I LOVE YOU MANY MANY!

Lets reflect today:

I went to work today and I was really hungry and all that.
Only Rye and myself was at the office today... to replace tmrs work day.
so we both were kinda busy doing calls and answerg fools...
Nisa, our colleague came over and told us one shockign news...

It was one of those times where we never realise who we are with
albeith u been together with your partner for over 2 yrs,
things change, ppl change,
hell... charles darwin wrote on that ...
but when your partner cheats on you while dating you thats absurb!

Nisa was with Brian for 2 years plus
and it has always been blissful, allergedly.
she juz realised smthg fishy abt Brian; he suddenly stopped calling and he suddenly forgots their date
and he starts behaving so weirdly
and last week he started to silent his fone and not put his fone on the table when they having dinner.
and she starts to be suspect.

that nite, the fone rang and she can hear a gal's voice.. kinda screechy...
saying : GUESS WHOOOOO!???
so that was the last straw, but she still wanna trust her man...
but when she does, he juz keeps quiet and not say anything.
now she wanna call off the engagement and jz call it quits...

i mean when they are together, he cheated on the other woman for a few weeks...
he admitted to her today sayin that that gal is MORE DEN JUZ FRENS..
she had it. it was too upsetting for her. they even exchanged fone to see who is on his fone list...
but he was smart enough to delete it.
poor gal.. it must be heartbreakign for her to hear everything man....

i mean, he never cursed her or name call her.. but stupid and fucker bitch all came out for the first time
they never fight during their 2 year+ together.. i feel sooo sorry for her...
and yeah... sigh...
why mus men cheat? what pleasure they gt from there?
when you have someone special in your life and yu been with them for sooo long, what more you want?
if you bored of the fella face, den tell them!!!
dun have affairs and all that.

if it was me.....
hmmmmmmm..................

I had a bad day yest which was why i din have the time to blog.
And i tot that tday is goin to be a great day.... NOT!
i think my new TL is really getting on my skin..
i really mean it... he is really pissing me off..... hell! im already pissed off!

let me summarise for you yest one...
i requested to have my wking day on saturday to be replaced with friday which is my off day
its precedent but if i had a valid reason, i can request for it and i think my bday is valid enough isnt it?
so he went and ask Kandy some budak poly from god knows where...
who doenst really like me that much and i dun like her too....i think she thinks that she fucking sexy and gorgeous.
but slit eyes doesnt verify as gorgeous ok... small boobs and nthg much to look at...
voice like some cheena gal wanna act cute.. yeah thats her....
u know sec school kids who always hang arnd at bugis wanna show off their furry-furby keychains...and their squeaky and screechy voice really makes it look worst!
so back to the story-- she disapproves of it. she asked ken, my new TL to say to me if i want i take AL (annual Leave)
but i dun wanna take my AL cuz i wanna work on friday.. and its full day not say i end at 4pm!
standard office hours what fuck!

so my fucking old TL tld me what kandy said...*judging my their names, you can tell roughly from their personality.
i got pissed! i was swearing on top of my voice saying that its really unfair cuz other teams are doing it.
switching slots and all that! cuz other team leaders are more understanding and allthat.
albeit you are new, you can still ask arnd and fight for your teams' welfare.. this one...only good at one thing --SUCKING UP BALLS....
and nvm.. i got pissed. u know i end wk everyday at 6.20pm.... this fucker, 6.15pm, he wanna start a briefing.
what the fuck is wrong with you? if you dun have a life outside of Income, den fine.. but we all do u knw!
and we dun need to hear from someone who has been in the company for only 3 mths and den was appointed team leader?
eh doesnt know shit! motor insurance and all that.. he only knows I young! what the hell...you are inexperienced and all that
i got frens from inbound who have been and their pdt knwlge is damn good... also cant and wun take theoffer as a TL.
but nooooo...this fucker thinks that he can handle it. well, we will see.. we will see....

this is the fucker tht wants to have a team song and name the team SUPREME...and calling us supremes and supremos...
since when the word supreme has the single and plural shite? since when? dun fucking alter to your own liking lah ken!!!
pls wake up and smell the coffee thats been brewing since you came in to our team.
you suck! you suck very well, id say....literally!

what a numbfuck! today....
i escalated the matter to the management...as usual.. i spoke to Sabah and Jamie.
tld them what happened and all that and im not happy.
eventually, sabah approved of me taking the replacement and all...
see?! why mus i go all the way to the TL and he will escalate the matter when i can easily get the reply there and then.
why go thru all the trouble? thinking that when i tell him, it wud be full of sweety and savoury words to say to d mgt.
but not i think of! it really fucks me up thats why...
den when he found out that i can tk the dates, he was quiet. when my team mates asked, i said i went to sabah, no use asking other ppl cuz its wayy too much trouble!

I had a bad day yest which was why i din have the time to blog.
And i tot that tday is goin to be a great day.... NOT!
i think my new TL is really getting on my skin..
i really mean it... he is really pissing me off..... hell! im already pissed off!

let me summarise for you yest one...
i requested to have my wking day on saturday to be replaced with friday which is my off day
its precedent but if i had a valid reason, i can request for it and i think my bday is valid enough isnt it?
so he went and ask Kandy some budak poly from god knows where...
who doenst really like me that much and i dun like her too....i think she thinks that she fucking sexy and gorgeous.
but slit eyes doesnt verify as gorgeous ok... small boobs and nthg much to look at...
voice like some cheena gal wanna act cute.. yeah thats her....
u know sec school kids who always hang arnd at bugis wanna show off their furry-furby keychains...and their squeaky and screechy voice really makes it look worst!
so back to the story-- she disapproves of it. she asked ken, my new TL to say to me if i want i take AL (annual Leave)
but i dun wanna take my AL cuz i wanna work on friday.. and its full day not say i end at 4pm!
standard office hours what fuck!

so my fucking old TL tld me what kandy said...*judging my their names, you can tell roughly from their personality.
i got pissed! i was swearing on top of my voice saying that its really unfair cuz other teams are doing it.
switching slots and all that! cuz other team leaders are more understanding and allthat.
albeit you are new, you can still ask arnd and fight for your teams' welfare.. this one...only good at one thing --SUCKING UP BALLS....
and nvm.. i got pissed. u know i end wk everyday at 6.20pm.... this fucker, 6.15pm, he wanna start a briefing.
what the fuck is wrong with you? if you dun have a life outside of Income, den fine.. but we all do u knw!
and we dun need to hear from someone who has been in the company for only 3 mths and den was appointed team leader?
eh doesnt know shit! motor insurance and all that.. he only knows I young! what the hell...you are inexperienced and all that
i got frens from inbound who have been and their pdt knwlge is damn good... also cant and wun take theoffer as a TL.
but nooooo...this fucker thinks that he can handle it. well, we will see.. we will see....

this is the fucker tht wants to have a team song and name the team SUPREME...and calling us supremes and supremos...
since when the word supreme has the single and plural shite? since when? dun fucking alter to your own liking lah ken!!!
pls wake up and smell the coffee thats been brewing since you came in to our team.
you suck! you suck very well, id say....literally!

what a numbfuck! today....
i escalated the matter to the management...as usual.. i spoke to Sabah and Jamie.
tld them what happened and all that and im not happy.
eventually, sabah approved of me taking the replacement and all...
see?! why mus i go all the way to the TL and he will escalate the matter when i can easily get the reply there and then.
why go thru all the trouble? thinking that when i tell him, it wud be full of sweety and savoury words to say to d mgt.
but not i think of! it really fucks me up thats why...
den when he found out that i can tk the dates, he was quiet. when my team mates asked, i said i went to sabah, no use asking other ppl cuz its wayy too much trouble!

Im at work now, waiting for the server to work.. we have always had server error. that sucks. really.
over the weekend, we had loads of fun..
i met up with ARLIN, my colleague, we have gone domestic; bought groceries and all that
met up with boo later..
Arlin wanna get herself a new mobile so yea..
Im really sleepy now.. im really sleepy. So if i were to talk as if im talking to a 2 year old,
bear with me.

anw, boo came later and boo called her frens to come
*is, munz, and runni...3 kunjoos joining...
I have always not like my frens mixing with my outside frens but these 3 kunz reali can click with Arlin much to my amazement...

With the kunz, i have never seen that much life in boo's eyes..
i bet boo misses the times boo had wid them.
They were really a fun bunch to be arnd...
this time when we meet, there has been changes ..
i meant on the topic of discussion and all..
HELL.... THERE IS A DISCUSSION! usually... its juz small talk, empty goss and all..
but this time there was a discussion!

i was shocked.
I have not had a serious conversation with them at one go.but this is a way to get to know each other better and learn frm what they have got to say...
taking it constructively....

each of us were supp to say the good and bad things abt the other ...
so it was in clockwise way starting from munz...
all the way.. when it came to mine... whoa! all the bad points were all written..
nevertheless, it was all worth the critisism...
i mean if not cmg from your frens who can it be rite?

i din know i was that hot tempered...albeit the patience i have for someone...
i gues its my tone lah..that make it sound too abrupt..
i need to recap and phrase sentences so that it wun appear hostile when i msg someone.
do i?

i think next time i need to put haha heehee and all in my msgs...
i think they are rite lah.. hehehhe...
and yes, i am straight fwd... i am not a hypocrite....
if i dun like smthg or dun like you , i will say it to your face or react in a hostile way
until they realise it.
its a happy feeling antagonising ppl.... hehehhee...

okok... i shall take a nap now..its lunch!
Boo, cant wait to see you tmr...

Here is another day...
at work.. work today and tmr... HOLIDAYYY!!! yiPPPeee!
cant wait to see many ppl tmr...
i wil be meeting boo tmr, Munz and the rest of the monkeys!
so long since i have seen you guys..

must take pic...
since everyone is sooo darn busy these days,
are sooo caught in our work and school we totally forget to meet up
we used to meet like once a week and all..
but we still kp in contact lah... in sms and all that...

however... i cant wait to meet up..
and my crappy team leader juz came up to me and tld me to think of a song
for our team... he suggested WORDS BY BEE GEES.!! *WHAT THE FUCK?

and when we disagreed, he came up with numerous things and ideas...
and he came up to me and told me to go lyrics domain webbie and search for whatever songs that you like...
fine! i will take the spanish rapper like daddy yankee or zion y lennox... mampos kau!
let the fucker rap his way to his wits end....

what crap.. its like entertainment for all of us..
ppl like him..what a dork
he is setting unrealistic goals like getting 12 leads per hr...
thats soooo unrealistic!!! whats he thinking?
let him do it lah..his leads aree not so fan- fucking-tastic!
besides he only started working here since february! what the hell!!!
im sooo pissed!
really am pissed! whats going on here man....
they shud be askin me to be team leader.. not him!

oh here i am.. overly zealous abt all things....
oh well...to each its own...
ok.. im done talkin...
i feel better...
thanks for reading
can all of you think of what song for me?

HMMM..... it was boo big day and i spent it with boo...
it was a big day for me too cuz i wanna make it up to boo for being there for me all these while
i wanna go fish & Co but boo had a big stomach upset thats why we forfeited the plan.
instead we watched MI:3
wylie recommended that we watch it.. it was really ok...
albeit the hoo-haah abt he and holmes, *yawns... the movie was fine..
it was really great watching it. i only watched the first movie..the sequel i din really catch it..
so MI:3 was a big blur for me... or so i thought....

but after watching it, i think it was a good directing that made even the first timers
will not feel left out watching it...
unlike other movies where you missed the first episode, the sequel is pretty confusing and all..
over and all we had fun watching the show

prior to the show, boo watched a 'lil show' from my mobile...
that made boo a lil off-beat.. heehhehee..
thats why laaa..we had to go shoppign for things to cook and boo slept over my place...

oh was it heaven i tell you.. was really heaven and all..
i really had a good time with boo...
only thing that i cant really manage my time really well..
i am sick and tired of planning and all...
used to do all the planning but i kinda think that its useless and all which is why i always leave it up to the other to plan things next time we intend to do smthg or go out...

so yeah... had a good time with boo...
good morning too!!!
this afternoon when i left for work...
dad emailed me from beijing saying that he bought for me 4GB Sony Mp4.
hmmmm.. all my frens wanna get too...
so i booked 7.
too bad, dad was like done with shopping and all..
he said it was out of the way.. so i felt quite sad for them..
sorry guys...

will be meeting boo again!!!
cant wait to see boo's new stuff...
boo uploaded more vidz and songs on the PSP...
wanna go check it out! cant wait!!!!

*kisses for boo... love you!*

Hmmm.. boo birthday is coming and im sooo excited!
i cant wait...
I wana take the leave and spend it with boo...wanna cook for boo some food.
juz wanna make it up to boo for today
today i been pissing her off..
boo been sacrifising for me last nite until they had an argument with the mother cuz boo wanna come keep me company at nite. So grateful to boo for being the one for me all these while

wanna surprise you there boo.. cuz i love you dearly!
thank you for being there for me
thank you for standing in the sun waiting for me
thank you for waking me up in the wee hours in the morning to wake me up for work
so i wun be late
thank you for sending me to work eventhough you are tired and had not had enough sleep
thank you for standing up for me and defending me when i get in trouble
thank you for being there. period
thank you for not judging me and nt making me to be someone that im not
thank you for making me realise that im not perfect afterall..
thank you for making me believe in a dream..asmaraland
thank you for being yourself and making me realise that YOUR love is UNCONDITIONAL
thank you for loving me since the time you set eyes on me
and thank you for waiting 7 years before to wait for me
thank you for that strong force of nature that brought me to you
thank you for being with me for super 28 mths
thank you for taking my crap.
thank you for everything...

and...

thank you for you.
thank God above cuz i hv met you.

i love you with all my heart boo...

wondering who...
anw, if you are reading this, good riddance to you
you and your clan can suck the hell up of the ppl whom you call your members..
juz cuz of one guy... ohh pls! there are too many fishes in the sea, why take that one ?
pls save me the misery...

I thought that I knew about them. Thought that they would never do me wrong
Well they smile in your face. When all the time they wanna take your place
Them backstabbers!!!

Same old scene that you've seen for so long. Always want to be around you but as jealous as they come. Well don't want you to win that race. Cause if you do it's gonna lessen their space
That's when I decide to say

I thought that I knew about them. The only ones that really care for me
But they shouldn't be that way. Only down for as long as you can give security.

Goodbye, goodbye
To all the fake people in my life
I never wanted you around me
So be on your way now
You better think twice
Before you let people in your life
Because when you put down
No one is around you
You got a case of the fake people

28-04-2006

We woke up late.. We were all excited to leave for KL.
We were late obviously cuz we were supp to meet at Lavender but we were late..
Julez as usual, me & boo were waiting for cab & elle was already there!
Poor gal was soooo fucked up with us and wen we came, the bus had left ...
we were told to take cab to the bustop and the bus will wait for us there.
How humiliating it must be man... Poor Elle..

We took the cab and went all the way there when boo and myself shud have waited at the checkpoint... if only i had knwn, i wud have waited for them at the tuas checkpoint...

anyways, when we reached KL we went to PS and had fun.. ate at kenny rogers and all that.
took pics, which i will send to you guys soon...
we 4 gals had fun! minus the men...they doing there dunno for what...
whats the use of them being there when they are juz not there to take care of us.
im unhappy basically.. other than that, we had fun juz the 3 of us.. elle, boo and myself

Julie was at her usual mode.. being with her bf, i know you wanna enjoy yourself and all that.
what disgusts me the most is that you are living in the world of denial.
you are a J for gods sake!!! take a snap back to reality!
you wanna go have fun with your bf its fine but dun take us for fools ok!
you and your attitude you better clean that up!
one day the guy leaves you for good, you gotta run back to who??
yourself??? you are one cheap bitch for juz spreading yourself like some nutella for some guy whom you juz met and you claimed that he is good.
if he is good, he wud know and take care of you,
good riddance if he doesnt ok. Im sure one day you will realise..
you better clean up your act...

i know im supp to talk abt my KL trip and all that but when i think abt what happened it jzu ticks me off.. im pissed with frens like that... who are simply dishonest and not willing to sacrifice anyting for her kid!
helloo0o0o0o........!!! when we asked you what you gonna get for izad... you juz said dunno
cuz you are ona tight budget! what budget?
you borong (*spend lavishly) on such stuff for yourself and all that you expect me to believe that you cant find anyting that you like to buy for your son?
are you insane bitch? or are you juz plain dense?

i know u are living on denial... realy you are!
i know i sound rude or harsh, you had too much of a chance ...
you need to wake up and realise who you really are to yourself - den to the ppl arnd u
i feel sooo sorry for your son for having such an irresponsible mother like you.
im sooo sorry for you ....
really am.