Sometimes I feel the fear of uncertainty stinging clear
And I cant help but ask myself how much I'll let the fear take the wheel and steer
It's driven me before, it seems to have a vague
Haunting mass appeal
Lately I'm beginning to find that I should be the one behind the wheel

im reali disappointed wit HER...haiz.

i dun understand why do some ppl jst love to jump into conclusions without even knowin what its all abt?

first thing, im kinda pissed wit the initial accusations she bombarded me with, now this!

im hurt n certainly bitter over what has happened.

i dun care weda she trusts me or not....the thing is she has to jump conclusions and mind fuck me!

sori but i cannot stand it anymore.

ma aunt once said, if SHE dun wanna send her, why bother?

its like SHE not sincere in sendin me here.

another aunt said, she shud be well prepared.

oh well... she rather spends money elsewhere but not on her priority what....

if that is her outmost priority, what can i say? haiz....

SO TO YOU, THIS IS JUST A GOOD TIME, BUT TO ME THIS IS WHAT I CALL LIFE....UH HMMMM..

- i cant stop listenin to gorillaz - sound check gravity -

i dl that song b4 last yr, deleted it, then when i was walkin bac hm frm groceries shopping at Morley, d song kpt playing on me mind.

cant wait man..tmr got bbq at KINGS PARK n we off to PERTH ROYAL SHOW!

yippeeee!

jac saw suhaib...darn.

hehe.

gravityyyy.... Gravity, on me.
Never let me down, gently.
Gravity, with me.
Never let me go, no no,.... ( gorillaz - sound check )

go and hear it! its PHAT! love songs like that.....very le femme nikita. very luc besson.

listen to the bass.. KILLER MAN!

Think about me, when you're lonely, do you ever think about me?
When you're feeling low, do you wanna call?
When you're on your own, doesn't hurt at all?
Do you ever think about me?


Heard that she found another guy. Heard he made you cry & you can't believe how much it hurts you..
You thought you'd be true...are you?
Now I hear that you want me back but you ain't really sure 'bout me being down with that
Cos when you left me, it didn't matter that you left me lonely..
Tell me...how does it feel to be the one who's hurting? Now you know how it feels when your heart breaks..
So tell me who you run to, when times are hard & you need the love to turn to

now you know how it feels when your heart breaks..

-Sweet darlin'...I think I finally found-

IF U ALL BEEN THRU A BITTER RELATIONSHIP AND GOT HURT REALLY REALLY BAD... THIS ONE'S FOR YOU.
I MEAN, U KNOW WHAT IT FEEL LIKE ...TO NOT EVER WANNA DO IT AGAIN.
WHEN U MEET SMBODY WITHOUT A DOUBT U KNOW THAT THEY DUN WANNA.
YOU SHUD BE SO SCARED AND NERVOUS, YOU DUN WANNA GET HURT AGAIN...


Finally found somebody that could be the one
But I promised myself that I wouldn't give in to love
And I'm scared. And I'm nervous
Don't wanna be hurt anymore
This is bad 'Cause I know that you're THE ONE...


See I'm going through a situation that I can't help. I wanna get a little closer but I promised myself. That I would never give my heart away again. I know it's hard But you gotta understand it; The truth is all the hurt and the pain & the shit that you get when you have it. Ain't worth it
I've been there so many times . I should know better but I can't stop what I feel when you're next to me I really think i..



See the PROBLEM with relationshipsin general- is that it's always a game
In the beginning they'll do anything to have you & once they do it's never the same
And I, know everyone out there can relate.

So the question is:

One: do I really wanna trust this feeling?
Two: do I wanna let it pass me by?
Three: do you think it's only superficial?
Four: could it actually be different this time?

Someone to love me...
Someone to be my everything...
or maybe I've stumbled upon....

The closest thing to a universal rule is that most men like a woman who's comfortable with her body, whatever her body happens to look like. Similarly, most men are pretty frustrated about women who reject their bodies. Given a choice between a supermodel who always feels fat and the chubby lady who feels sexy, most men will take the chubbette in real life, where it counts.

It's true that most men are more visual than most women, but keep in mind that men aren't only visual. Different men are tuned into different senses: for some, how you smell is most important of all, while for others, the sound of your voice or the texture of your skin will be most important.

Most women underestimate men's ideals for female weight and shape: Most men enjoy rounded hips, prominent butts or full cheeks more than most women realize. Whether the fashion is Twiggy or Kate Moss, most men don't want skinny women. Those skinny models are found in women's magazines, never men's.

Leo and Taurus

When Taurus and Leo come together in a love affair, they can be a great couple because they know how to stroke one another's egos and love to have their own stroked! They have similar needs: Taurus needs plenty of affection, to be loved and cherished, while Leo likes compliments and wants to be adored and admired. They're both extremely loyal and possessive lovers. Since they have such similar desires, they can generally provide for one another's needs quite well.

These two Signs both love status and possessions. They prize physical comfort and luxury; Leo is often flamboyant about attentions and gift-giving, which will greatly please Taurus, who loves the most traditional forms of courtship. Though they can work together quite well, it's not all roses between these two; both Signs are very stubborn and must work hard to understand and accept one another.

Taurus is ruled by the Planet Venus (Love and Money) and Leo is ruled by the Sun (Self). The Sun radiates warmth and light; Leo indeed radiates this kind of energy and enthusiasm. Venus is about love, beauty and luxury. This combination of masculine and feminine energy helps these two Signs admire and sustain one another. As a matter of fact, Venus is never more than 48 degrees from the Sun, so they belong close together! The Sun represents life and Venus represents love; as long as they are careful to understand each other, their combination is a positive one.

i have been missing for 3 days...i know

its true what they said abt scorpio, they sting....

lenn said the same thing too. well, they sting u.

well, im a bull, so unless u provoke me, im ok....

Laterz...

- gonna miss you -

this morning, sis left for spore. so sad... hope i can be home. miss home suddenly. miss dad.

slept thru the morning, then arnd 11am i realised i have not been doin me laundry. so i got up washed up and went to school and did laundry. just nice, i saw farah, she was leaving for KL at 4pm. so i was in the nick of time, talked to her and all.

two ppl leaving for home at the same day....ay-yi-yi....

i wanna leave home too... *sob sob*

- im so happy today! -

i have not blog since firday....well, thing is, ive been busy, sis been in town so i was hangin with her.

Sat- it was anwar's talent show in school. wen to the WAAPA auditorium, had fun. then we off to Istanbul Restaurant. had supper there. Jac and me were the only ppl who attended to anwar's thing.
- sis came later....

Sun - went to freemantle. Met Nicolette. so long never see her. SHe was my junior in pirmary sch. She studyin at Notre Dame University takin the same degree as me

Mon - went to pinnacles, bot Tv for myself. Sis paid of cuz....so excited. rented a car...drove all the way to pinnacles, actually we wanted to go rottnest island, but dunno why...wanted to watch the dolphins and the whales too...but dunno why
ok....

Tue (today) - went to school and admin myself to the student housing and then went to see farah and sent her the money. she is goin KL tmr, so had to give her.

SIs is leaving tmr, so sad...anyway, hope she coming again. hmm...thought of him the whole day...


NO NOT BRYAN!... its the OTHER man in my life....

- b r y a n -

Anyone who ever held you
Would tell you the way i am feeling
Anyone who ever wanted you
Would try to tell you what I feel inside
The only thing I ever wanted
Was the feeling that you ain't faking
The only one you ever thought about
Wait a minute, can't you see

That I...
Wanna fall from the stars
Straight into your arms
I feel you...I hope you comprehend

======= =========== =

did laundry ... long story. Today bryan made me happy, euphoric. Thats what im happy.

- i thought change was good...and then you changed -



1) i hate wednesdays....always sumthg that pisses me off or upsets me. its inevitable!

2) i feel that there should be honesty and openess between frens.

3) assumptions are the mother of all fuck ups

4) im telling you...beware the false motives of others.
(ii) be careful of those who pretend to be brothers. and u never suppose its those who were closest to you...
(iii) they say all the right things to gain their position
(v) Then use your kindness as their ammunition to shoot you down in the name of amibition.
(vi) Like Cain and Abel, Caesar and Brutus...Jesus and Judus, backstabbers do this

It took me a little while to discover. Wolves in sheep coats who pretend to be lovers. Men who lack conscience will even lie to themselves.
A friend once said, and I found to be true that everyday people, they lie to God too
So what makes you think, that they won't lie to you? sigh...

tmr, pls make it a better day..... bryan babey will make me happy, right? =)

laterz....

- i have been a freaking normad ! -

been sleeeping over frens hses like i dun have a home. dats coz SOMEONE cant keep the hse clean. I give up! tired of crying when i come back...house all messy. might as well....

sunday

i was at home, did my psycho assignment and ended it 2 hours later. bored...so i decided to sleep and then i was really bored. called mary and she told me to come by her plc for dinner, her fren, peipei there as well. so i went there. watched australian idol. then went to mackers and sat there with jac, talked abt so many stuff. we just realised that mary hasnt been goin shoppin like me and jac does. yeah man...where was she? duh?! with her pye la! missed bonding session...hehe

monday

handed in assignment. took cab to school. tired and sleepy but dunno why decided to go Morley instead. jac followed me. we shopped at Kmart dunno how long...but it was good man! i bought shirts. i lack them lar.... then met nani, hitched a ride, slept at nani's. Cesar cooked nice chicken! yummie! oh yeah...nani told me she decided she wanna live alone.....ok...wish u all the best, gal... wishing u wud stay with us gals...farah and myself..maybe can include jac...then sure cannot sleep, talk the whole day....heheh! but gal, when u & jac are depressed & alone, u guys can come to farah and mine.....psychiatrist...hehehehe

tuesday

went to school from nani's. left home with Cesar. we took bus together....guess what? go home also together. haiz...better stop meeting each other.
today i got my period...damn backache and migrane. thats why i gif short sentences, without pompous words. tmr....Mark class! make sure sia...there is class..received his mail. bldg 3. thurs, i have to do laundry with Farah.

Laterz....

Boy I saw you soon as you came bouncin' through the door
You and your man's and them just look over the floor
Started doing your thing
And it made me notice you even more
The way you turned around and looked at me
It seemed as though you must have somehow felt me staring on the low
Something tells me your the kind of guy I'd like to get to know


B r y a n .... Need i say more? Pye needs someone to do photoshoot for him. We got Irawan and Anwar cancelled on us and Bryan happen to pass by, i , hehhee, made Jac run after him. He agreed to do for us, I was thrilled.

He was the 1st to do, I did make up on him...boy, what nice eyes he has... Your smile and all the love you show...Im feeling him right there and all. I notice his eyes. They were good, nice....oh my gawd. I'm happy that I met you... baby!

Another thing...the gaze, i went to take soap, and wipe his cheeks...and eyes, U have no idea, i so wanted to kiss him there! grap that face and smooooch him all over. Oh! did i mention he looks good in shades? Bad boy and model all in ONE!

Asked him weda we could go to his plc, he was fine with it. HIs hsemates were really nice. Kenny frm INdo, Anna (japan), Adam (M'sia), William & Daphne (french)...theres more...but i dunno their names. William is Daphne's bf, and he looks like the better version of R. Kelly. He asked us to watch Johnny Depp movie next week but we said we've got no money. Darn! Or else i can see Bryan.....Yummie!

I didn't think that I'd come there tonight
And meet someone like you and start feeling the way I do
Seems like we've known each other most of our lives
After one conversation
This must be right


I have a great nite today....Yippeeee!

Project time! hurry! get the farking assignments done! Get the farking Windows and bloody install it already! Once im done....i can relax!

Laterzzz...

too tired last nite. didnt blog

today, thank god its FRIDAYY... sis coming on the 13th, taking garuda, cuz she frm bali. cant wait to see her.

i hope today PR will be great. Will update later...me off to sleep now.

as usual....wednesdays are fucked up. and since im fucked up. i shall write in point form. (some of you will be thrilled)

1) CMM2111 class- dunno what the heck happened to that. Do we have classes or not? we missed 2 weeks of class!
2) im sick of pretending. sick of it!
3) when i was on my way home, with a fren, i just heard frm another fren that she has a crush on HIM! but she was tryin to change topic! Suspicion confirmed.
4) im tired. Im fucked up. Just wanna take my valium and sleeep.
5) Tried goin to websites for mobiles....can u believe it? my comp went dead on me! i better do smthg abt it. Call optus tmr!
6) Psycho class tmr - act normal, since i like the class and i can see bryan, and MR KACAK andrew, it shud be ok...
7) I have got no more money left! argggghhh! better ask banker.
8) i owe farah $26 bucks. Nizar $40.

now....buzz offf!

[MOOD] = OKOK
[SONG] = BAD INTENTIONS- DR DRE AND KNOCKTURNAL

Let me just reflect wad happened. This morning, like 3am, mom called me, and then she as usual misunderstood me. She asked me how my money all? i said it was ok...I have some money left. told her how much, she suddenly jumped and said to me 'WHY U SPEND SOOO MUCH?! CAN U PLEASE MANAGE YOUR MONEYYYY?! "

i was like waht the f***? if i managed and stinge as how im stinging all these while, i might as well resort to eating grass ok, i swear! she tink what? i stay in perth for only 2 weeks isit? i have been here for 2 freakin months ledi! and the rate im saving, its more than what anyone has spent. I paid for the rent, bills only are the only thing that i pay like more than 50.

Andre cheered me up this morning...i have too many shitty crappy things in my life right now...well, he made me smile. HEhe...in the mornign, he woke me up with a sweet sms, at 0730hrs in d morning. thats good man! i can do my joggin. I did my ritual jogging and stuff. and then i was asleep again...till 12am, got readi for school. today is Philosophy.

ok. Then, i was trying to avoid him the WHOLE DAY. i din get to see him.... or so i thought....
Towards the end of the day, he appeared in frnt of my face and there he was!...

he asked me to sit with him for a while...i was kinda bored. He could see that im really not interested in him, I deliberately mentioned HER in our conversation , he ignored me and changed the topic.
He asked me why im so silent. "Well its coz of YOU!'

of cuz i din say that to his face..... id rather kiss a donkey then talk to him!

anyways, im doin my cmm2111, i kept getting dc when i go to all the webbies....whats gg on? the comp hates me!

- I was reborn when i was broken -

i woke up with a bad case of migrane again, but i cant be lazy. FOrced myself to wake up and walk arnd. Did my usual jogging and off to Daniella. Nice place. Quite near actually. I had to pay my bills anyway, and send the stuff to Carmen. SO i did. I did retail shopping. It was very catharsistic. It felt good. I spent 90 freaking bucks on groceries. Dnno what i bought man...

Came back home, watched analyse that for my psycho assignment and i had this massive throbbing in the head i had to sleep. I was asleep till 5pm. It felt ok. I was thinkin of cooking spagetti. but i cant open the can.... so posponed.

now...crap! just hangin arnd...