"Under my feelings, under my skin, under my thoughts, far within. Learning the subtext of the mind, see creations, how we're defined"

"When the star of the show isnt you anymore.
Nobody cares when the tears of a clown fall down.
Bullies in the school-yard. When they fall, they fall hard.
You better think twice. Better play nice.
I guess your momma never told u what goes around...comes back around?"

This morning i woke up with a double case of terrible spine prob yet again. Got ready to leave for school, took a bus this time. haha! Jac lives with Mary & Pye at Kadina St, North Perth u see.. another suburb. Walked abt 20mins to the bustop to school, abt two stops away campus. i have to stop this bad feeling abt sch-- esp (CMM 2111)Research Evaluation; one of the units which i am not particularly good at. But if i dun get a distinction, i cant graduate. Im really draggin myself u know, i dun like fridays and wednesdays these days, why?! Firstly the unit isnt one of my best subjs.. back hm, i failed them--MMR. Now i had no choice but do it. I cant drop it. Its compulsory. Secondly, my grpmates are the ones im really upset abt.

It all happened one afternoon during my CMM2111 tute. I was already nervous due to the subj units, then the class seemed to know each other like ages. Talking abt how and wad they've done during the semester break. I saw this chick, she was sweet, smiled at her. Melissa was her name, she was there wen i had my PR lecture. She was really sweet. Nothin fake abt her. Another consolation, was Michelle Elliot, my tutor. The 1st time i laid eyes on her, i knew she wud be the motherlike figure i cud confide with- i was right.

She 'took care of things' for me. I finally got the Bitches out of my way. Despite the relieve over the episode; im vexed, i jst cant seem to get rid of the sore, u get wad i mean? but I'll be ok.

The whole day these words kept repeating --> I just dun understand why and how some people do that? What are they tryin to prove by acting that way?
The OZs here think that they are like ALL THAT, and asians are the 'boat ppl' who jst invade to their country and wreck havoc. Can u see how ridiculous and silly they sound when they say that? Imagine how I felt; I heard it at first hand, and I am not exaggerating. I was really hurt when i had the episode with my CMM2111(research Evaluation unit) classmates. They ostracized me and said mean things, if i were to let my silver-tongued do the talking, i'd have no friends. No frens means no assignments done and I will really really fail this unit. If i fail this unit, i cant graduate, and if i cant graduate, mom will NICE AND SLAUGHTER me. Then i had mixed feelings the whole week, thinking that it will all fade, instead, it grew stronger. This time, it affects ppl around me. Its slowly eating up all the good cells I've got. I consulted Michelle. She told me to put my foot down and settle this once and for all. It concerns my results.

Today, I was at the lecture hall for CMM2111, i saw them and overwhelming feeling to drop this tutorial completely or transfer to Kevin McQuoid's tute. Overwhelmed by angst and deep sadness, i decided to have the transfer, not making things any better i know, but i hope it was for the best. I dunno what to do, confused, exasperated...all that. Even after the transfer, I am still experiencing the same feeling. Overly pissed with the fact that they could do this to another human. I told Michelle: Set aside cultural differences, we are all human... we have the same feelings. What makes them think that they are one up higher than us?"
Michelle agreed and she fathomed what i said. She too experienced it. She's frm Kentucky, USA. She said the OZs here are weird ppl. Unethical and all that. Well, we might have spoken the same language, but the practises here are totally shocking. She gotten used to this and she wants me to be comfortable & happy. I was so upset over all these. She emphatized with me. She too cant understand how ppl could say & do this upon others. She spoke to them today and u know wad? She told me they told her that they found me..GET THIS-- 'painfully shy'... i can hear u guys laughing back home. I can be shy but the whole time, i was the one trying to make it happen as a group work. Since it is a grp work, I was trying to get then grp making research plans and strategized them to the proper target channels and audiences etc... All they cud do was u know, respond! instead...they talkin amongst themselves and they insinuated that they didnt want me there as they had this fren who was supp to join their group but 4 was the max. They kpt talkin abt it IN FRONT OF ME!
Dammit man... i was saving myself from utter embarassment! I dunno where to go, what to react. I wanted to take a walk to cool myself, refrained frm crying... the feeling was utterly upsetting.
I guess now its gonna be better, huh? i sure hope so. Now im back home at Shakespeare Ave. Having to do all these readings and all... I'm really scorned.


"Seems I'm lost in my reflection. Find the star for my direction, for the little girl inside who won't just hide"
"Don't let me see mistakes tonight, let me keep my faith in Innocent Eyes "